confusion247's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- competitions Things have been going on a lot lately. My whole life is moving quickly. I've got a year and a half left before college. It seems like a long time but considering I've been in school for 12 years now, it's insane. I don't know what to think about it. I'm excited, but at the same time I'm not. I don't even know if I want to go to college...who cares. I have speech tournament tomorrow, and it's closing night. Nan is the only person in Clarksville who came down to see it. Which is really kind of dissapointing, I go up there for special things whenever I can. I just miss everyone. Especially Brandon and Rachel. Whenever someone comes over they ask me where different thing in my room came from. Today it was Caitlin and I replied almost everytime with "Brandon gave it to me when we yadda yadda" I miss that kid. I hope he misses me too. As for Rachel, she's on-line right now, but sometimes I Feel like I just get on her nerves. Eh, wathever. I'm actually kind of pissed off at Nan right now, no, really pissed off. I never ever say no to her about anything. ANYTHING. I'd give her my soul if she asked for it. If she was dieing and needed a heart transplant, I'd be the first to give up my life so she could live. Well, when she came down I was wearing the scarf that Shelley gave me last year. Well, to say the least, the scarf holds crazy sentimental value. She gave it to me for Valentines Day last year. Everyone knows I'm still in love with her and miss her, and that scarf is real importatn to me. She asked if she could borrow it until the next time I came up to Clarksville. I told her No and explained why. She said "well, you need to move on, and this will jsut hold you back" I don't know if she think that justifies her, but it doens't. It's the only thing I've ever said no to her about and I expected her to understand, but I guess that's too much. It doesn't seem like it would be a good deal, but it really really is. ::sigh:: oh well. I just want to feel the warmth that it provided me with again. I miss it. It had been hanging on my wall for a long time, I was finally able to take it down and she took it. I got into a car wreck today. I don't feel like going into detail. Just know I wasn't hurt and niether was the lady. It's not a huge deal. I have a dent in the back of the van, but her whole front end came off. Insurance is going to cover it, and it won't go on my license or insurance as long as I take this first offenders class, so no big deal. I really don't care, it was last on my mind today. That's terrible. I know. Closing night is tomorrow and so is the speech tournament. I'm real excited abotu the speech tournament, I think I have a chance at breaking. I pray that I do. I'd be so freaking happy. You just don't understand. I really want first. I've been practicing like crazy, and I've written a ton of intros and outros, and generic transitions, ect. I really hope I do well. If I don't then I'm leaving early. That's terrible. I know. Shannon King and Shannon Little will both be there. So will John Thomas. I haven't talked to him longer than five minutes since Friday, which is a bit dissapointing, but I can't really do anything about it. I don't care if something happens or not, either way, whatever. I'm a dick and I hurt girls a lot. I just shouldn't date. Or maybe I just shouldn't have dated Shelley. No, I should have. I wouldn't be who I am today if I hadn't. I keep blaiming all my pain and what not on her. When I know I shouldn't. It's not totally her fault. It's more so mine than anyone elses. I just really really miss her all of the time. If she'd just talk to me or return my calls or e-mail me back. Just once. I'd be happy for the rest of my life. Well, no, not really. I'm doing the Shakespeare competition, and the american leagion competition. I'm excited about it. I hope I win. I really do. I could win a lot of money. Up to 5 grand. I'm going back to Vicki's right now. hearts and stars, Danny. 11:10 p.m. - 2003-11-21 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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