confusion247's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- a few conversations. I go to school on Monday afternoon and see everyone. Everyone's going crazy, hugging me, hanging on me, making a bigger deal about me being there then they needed to. And there she is, just standing there watching. I hug her but she doesn't care. We sit in the theater and she makes little comments under her breath, but believe me, I hear them. We're in the car now. I write on her shoes I (heart) u. Me - "Please don't hate me." her - "I don't hate you, I'm just dissapointed." me - "Will you see me tomorrow so don't have to talk in neely's car" neely - "just pretend I'm not here" her - "go ahead and talk now" me - "why are you dissapointed in me" her - "because! You could have made something with your life but you just screw it up all the time" me - "what are you talking about??" her - "you may not concider triple c's a drug, but it is" we continute arguing over whether I'm ruining my life or not. We argue about how other people do the samethings as I do and she doesn't care. She says "Well, no one I really care about does." For a fleeting second I think maybe she really does care about me still, then I think into it. me - "*You* care about *me*. That's rediculous. The only time you care about me is when you can go off. After we broke up you promised me you'd still care and always be there for me, and that's obviously not true, ect." We continue fighting. Something is said and she responds with "well, you're the one who fucked everything up." all goes quite. We're now in her drive way. I say "well, you never cared to begin with" she gets out of the car. That's the end. I cry in neely's car all the way back to school. Tuesday. I call her. "Can we do something today after rehearsal" her - "maybe, I'm supposed to rehearse with neely though" me - "okay, I"ll call you in a few to find out wthat's going on" I call back her - "wel, I haven't talked to neely yet" I've got the hint. You could have just said it. I call her again "Yeah, so I got the hint that you don't want to see me. I just wanted to talk to you about stuff to clear the air, but I guess I never will get the chance." her - "Why can't you just talk now" me - "it's not something for the phone." her - "I still don't understand why you can't just talk to me now." me - "oh well, it doesn't matter. It's dumb and you won't listen anyway. Have a great year. I'll talk ot you later. (pause) Well, actually, I probably won't." end call. I cry while listening to third eye blind in nan's car. This is why I hate girls. I told Nan I hate her, she told me no, you don't. I told her let me hate her. She said no. I hate it that I can't hate her. "I want to hate you so bad, but I can't." I don't want to get back together with her. I'm always going to love her of course. We will never be able to be together again, but I just want her in my life. I cried because of what we had and because of what I ruined. because it's the only thing I've ever regretted. But it's okay, I'm moving on. I just want to have her in my life in some capacity. Or at least not have her hate me anymore. danny. 6:03 p.m. - 2003-10-15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||