confusion247's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Blah, Shelley. I have had the most hectic two weeks of my entire life. I'm not kidding at all. Production work this year is about three times as much and I'm staying up there about twice as long. If that makes sense...if it doesn't I really don't care. yes I do. I just have to work a lot faster. Tonight I got home around 11ish because I went out to eat after Open House. I won't complain though becaues other people have SO much more work to do than I do I'm sure. I have to write an english paper tonight, study SAT vocab for a quiz tomorrow, and look up information on my AP US History essay questions....I haven't had time to actually think and then sit down and write an essay, I definitely don't right now. But I think this is important. At least it is to me. I'm sorry, my journal is very boring. I was thinking about a lot today...who would have thought a year or so ago that I'd be sitting on my computer in Germantown, TN smoking a cigarette, after getting home at 11 on a Thursday night, whilest making plans to go to Clarksville this upcoming weekend. I think I really have changed a lot. I'm trying not to look back in the past and get depressed. I'm trying to focus souly on the future. If that makes sense. Mr. Capps gave me some good advice when he e-mailed me "Keep the first things first and take care of yourself" Good advice. Really basic. But great. I need to keep the first things first, and take care of myself. I'm so unhealthy. I can't help but look back and think: God, I miss Brandon and Rachel. Or God, I wish I could go stay the night with Nan tonight...I do miss it but I need to look forward. My life is somewhat okay right now. It's getting back in order after the "Monday Night Massacre" and everything seems to be okay. "they won't see us waving from such great heights, 'come down now,' they'll say but everything looks perfect from far away, 'come down now,' but we'll stay..." I'm reaching those great heights, and everything looks perfect. Because I suppose everything is perfect. Not by our standards obviously. But everything has to be perfect in order to work. I'm speaking of course baout life in general....The Postal Service is one of my new favorite bands, along with The New Amsterdams and Pedro the Lion. I found them all on my own too, I was rather proud to find my own bands for once. Even though I'm sure everyone has heard of them. I was thinking about moving back to Clarksville the other day and thought: other than Nan and Amanda most of my close friends will be gone when I'm a senior. Then I realized: wait a minute, most of my close friends up there aren't in school anymore...the only ones in school are BR and PS. Then I realized: Hold on, most of my friends are now in college...weird. Rachel, I hope she's doing well, I'm seeing her this weekend! WooOWooOO! And I'm seeing Shelley saturday...I don't know why, but I'm really nervous/excited about that. I don't know, I have this dumb thought that "maybe when we see each other again we'll realize we do still care about each other" I guess I'm not *totally* over her yet. I don't know when I will be. Which is the only reason I'm not really dating down here. Obviously I like people, or persons, or person I suppose. But I don't think I can really go out with anyone just yet. Dating, that's cool I guess. But I can't be commited. Not now, not yet. I'd probably still be thinking abotu Shelley some days. And that isn't fair. I decided not to move. This place is okay. I think I'm going to Clarskville this weekend. If anyone can offer a ride, please tell me, e-mail me: GomezGuy2005@aol.com or call me: 901-624-5095. Thanks Danny. 11:32 p.m. - 2003-08-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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