confusion247's Diaryland Diary

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a brokenhearted danny

Fucking hell. I'm crying. I fucking hate this. I hate crying constantly. I hate having reasons to cry. I hate this. I just watched the Saves the Day, Shoulder to the Wheel video. And there's one guy wearing a scarf looking out the window depressed. I started thinking about the winter. I remembered last winter at Nan's house. When me and Shelley first got together. I started remembering the scarf she made me which hangs above my bed for now. I started to think about how happy we were when we took this picture:

What the fuck did I do. How could I have messed up the best thing in my entire fucking life. God I'd do anything to be back with her. I continued thinking about that winter and out at Nan's house when Shelley was still willing to drive out there. When we stayed up making duct tape belts, the belt I still have and wear, I continued thinking of how happy we were. I have memories. One where we drove up to Nan's barn because it was freezing outside. And while Nan was in the barn, I was sitting on her lap, and I kissed her. And it was the most perfect kiss imaginable. I think this winter is going to be especially cold for me...I fucked up terribley, and I wasn't able to see it until after we broke up. And now she's with fucking John Martyz. I didn't want to hate him, but unfortunately no matter how much I tell myself "it's not his fault" I can't help but blaim him. I miss her so much. I'm sorry, I can't date anyone down here...especially not now. I miss her. I want her. I love her. No matter how many times I tell myself or others "yeah she was a bitch" or something along those lines I will always know deep down she's not, and she's the greatest girl I know. She's so beautiful. She use to ahve that picture hanging on her wall...I wonder if it's still there. I have to see her this weekend. And I don't think I should...I don't want to look at her beautiful face again and know that she was once mine, and we were happy. I keep on crying, and it doens't do any good...maybe it's just it takes a while to get over the first love, but I can't take the pain, the guilt, the horridity of it all. I just want her back. So bad. Maybe if I lived in Clarksville things would be different...it's almost enough to make me want to move back up there. This winter is going to be the worst, ever.

In the words of the amazing Zach "The most painful hair I've have ever seen The softest lips I've, have ever touched and somehow you're gone and somehow you're somehow you're.... and the thought of you brings tears to my eyes and the thought of you brings shame into my lips and somehow you're gone and somehow you're gone somehow you're and somehow you're.. (...dialogue...) I guess I'll miss you forever I guess I'll miss you... I guess I'll miss you forever I guess I'll miss you..."

brokenhearted,

Danny

1:07 a.m. - 2003-08-29

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