confusion247's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I don't want you to know I'm upset. Shelley, this isn't for you to read. So exit out of here. The past few monthes have been hell and I just need to forget that they even happened. I hate girls, I hate dating, I'm not dating anymore. We were together 8 monthes. They were beautiful at first then they got a little bit flawd, but they were still beautiful. We were a great couple...or so I thought. We're over now. I can't even write everything I want to write. I can't stop these fucking tears from falling down my face. I hate her. I'm sorry shelley but I hate you. I don't want to speak to you anymore. Ever. I'm going to call you tonight and just let you know that we can't speak to one another or see one another anymore. Now I know why you never talk to any of the guys you use to date. You hurt too much. You hurt me so badly. I was fine with us being over. And I was going to tell you today that I was okay with us being completely over. Because you obviously weren't at all happy. But I thought that us being over meant we weren't going to be dating anyone else for a while, and we were still going to talk and work on being friends. I thought we were going to work on being friends before starting to date anyone else...I was wrong. I was so fucking wrong. I can't be your friend. I can't hear you talk about how you and Jon went to the fairgrounds or the river walk (our places) together. Or hear you talk about how you're fine without me. I want you to be happy. That's why I called you today. But I didn't want you to be happy with someone else....god shelley. If you could only see me right now, feel the feelings that I'm feeling. If only you knew how much I hate this. If only you knew how much I'd rather be dead then typing this right now. You may think you know because of what happened with me and Ashley. But you don't. THat was different. I didn't have any emotional attatchment to her. I never dated her. I never wanted to be with her. You though. You're with John. You're happy with him. You're dating him. ANd you don't give a damn about me. I just want to be with you and hold you in my arms. I was finally okay with not being able to do that. I was finally okay with just hearing your voice on the phone and knowing that you're doing good. But I wasn't ready to know that you're dating someone else. This is undefinable. And I can't sotp fucking crying. I can't stop. I want to stop. I want to stop breathing. This is different from anything I've ever felt before. Shoot me. Please shoot me. Numb this pain. Tonight I believe I shall rendezvous with any thing to numb this. I don't want to know you anymore. I don't want to you know I'm upset, no not upset, devestated, though, because you won't be happy anymore... daniel. 2:34 p.m. - 2003-08-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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